A Rather Unpleasant Business

Anyone casting a summary glance at my desk will immediately assume that I must be some sort of hypochondriac.  The surface is littered with more placebos than you would expect to find in Howard Hughes' weekly prescription packet.

I survive, partially sedated, on a vitamin diet of Berocca tablets, Echinacea, antioxidant tea and cod liver oil.  If there is a recommended daily dosage displayed on these medicines, I will typically double it. Thankfully, I'm not hunting for a job as an adviser in my local pharmacist, although such an occupation might significantly cut my monthly expenditure on these pointless products.

As I shove the fourth paracetamol of the day crudely down my oesophagus - I no longer need water - it occurs to me that I harbour a latent terror of potentially becoming ill.  You see, I never usually get ill at all.  I have never taken a day off work - a smug fact which I never fail to impress on my long suffering colleagues.

I simply refuse to accept the notion that, as a biological specimen, it is part of life's course to feel peculiar every now and again; the idea is anathema to me.  I can't bear to think that I may one day be too incapacitated to perform a Kites show and yet, on Monday, this is nearly exactly what happened.

I spent the Friday prior to our gig at the Social feasting on a platter of oysters, mussels and escargot.  I had just been paid and decided to treat myself to a rare spread of shelled delicacies from the ocean. Those people who might want to punch me in the ear for such culinary pomposity will be pleased to learn that I suffered violent food poisoning as a result.  And, believe me, there is nothing worse than being sick on putrefied seafood.

I eventually arrived on-stage at the Social with Listerine breath and a decidedly green complexion; a pretty sight to behold.  To my amazement, I found reserves of energy that I never knew existed.  I can only thank the wonderful audience and my beautiful bandmates for this unlikely stamina.

On this ocassion, illness had been defeated.  The show must go on!